Outcomes

Lately, I've been hanging out with my lecturer quite often, since we're both loners at the campus. We both like doing things alone. But yeah well aside of that, since we both usually hang out with my friends who all mostly at intern, so it's just me, him and sometimes another tutor, snowbell.

The other day we were having this conversation, about his past. He was a believer too and i dont know if he was strong but he was a bloody youth leader at his church time during his younger days. Well at least when he was a believer. The topic went on to his past girlfriends, the events that he went through and made him the guy he is today.

I was curious how he became such a guy and backslided. He's good looking, smart and i can say rich. Everything perfect for a boyfriend to be or we would call it "husband material" and there's a "but". There's always a "but" to someone. Despite being everything of that, he cannot and will never be faithful to his girlfriend, at least for now he says. Tho, he says he is trying and says it's like smoking, a habit. We both are from the same major, and better to know yet, I am not to judge and rather give opportunity to them to change and be empthatic. Habit takes time to change.

Cheating on your partner, was always against my idea and certainly something I could never do, at least not with a conscious mind. However, for him, it's just another piece of cake. After the incidents with his first girlfriend who turns out to be a psychotic, a historian personality disorder person, his belief towards alot of things started to change, and that's when he started cheating - two timer-ing.

He was such a damn upright straight model boyfriend and at that, many girls would want to die for a guy like him not that now he doesnt, but he'll eventually break their hearts now. I couldnt believe it myself that he had turned out to be the person he is today. Lives on one night stands, and hammering other people's girlfriends. I came to understand a little better of him and also a few things.

In cases of when someone goes through some hardcore shit ass issues in life, a traumatic event and so on, it's either :

1. their beliefs starts to distort or distorts completely

2. remain somewhat the same, and get stronger(update version :p)

To put simply, they go bad or choose to remain who they are.

Going through that the time he had with his psychotic gf, has distorted his belief in love and the gospel. He doesnt believe about love anymore even with the recent ex of his, he dated and at the same time slept with other women. Gospel, its just another bedtime story to him, partly because of his congregation's hypocrites that turn him away from god. Cheating is a habit, and guilty free for him.

Yet, I cant blame any of them. Humans are fragile. Perhaps it's the society. It's only natural for humans to react in such once their once comfortable bubbles are broken. It's a self-defense mechanism for them to either repress, regress, project, denial, sublime and so on to people around them, objects around or to themselves. Their bubble of self-regard, that makes them who they are : self-esteem, beliefs, views, perceptions and acceptance towards a matter.

Somehow I am glad that I did not turn into like my lecturer. After the heartbreak event, I still believe in love for god is love or lose the contents of my once broken bubble that makes me the person i am. Perhaps certain things and beliefs cease to have changed a little, I am sure that my beliefs are not distorted nor have I been beating myself up or perhaps stopped at it already. Glad for many things actually. Glad that I didnt turn to the darkside though it has been tempting, very in fact. Glad that the contents of my broken bubble did not went scattering. All this, I really want to give a huge and mighty thanks to Jesus and also to a brother and friend of mine, Winson. Maybe a little too much blessing at the tummy eh jesus?

I find this very cute. True to what they say,

and

Smiles ! :]